Parenting lessons

Shyam wrote this last year, but sent it across couple of months back. It is a must read for all of us "busy" parents.

"what my daughter taught me?

"This is not original for sure. It is the culmination of a lot of reading, thinking, parenting, stealing, thinking, whiling time, coaching, and being grossly unemployable for the past few years. On the eve of my daughter’s 5th birthday, a few thoughts….

Apart from the fact that I am a proud -- and imperfect -- parent of a five-year-old daughter, I know next to nothing about this complicated and totally subjective issue.So, I'll tell you what my little daughter has taught her father.

Now this might sound sacrilegious to those who subscribe to the 'spare the rod and spoil the child' doctrine', but I was sure that, no matter what the provocation, I would never, ever, raise an angry hand on my child. My mother very strongly believed in not sparing the rod, and though in the total parenting that I got, I have no regrets, I can still recall thrashings that I have got. I also decided early on in life that one cannot (should not) got back 30 – 35 years in time and judge many actions in life. Maybe it was the done thing at that point in time and society.

Also my grandfather had taught me that a child should be treated like a prince (princess?) till the age of 6 and a friend from the age of 20. So my princess is still in that stage!Does this mean I condone indiscipline?

Let me put it this way; in my house, a raised eyebrow works far better than a raised hand ever will. A raised hand works as a threat rather than a carried out act! God knows there have been times when I've been sorely tempted to reach for the rod; when everything else just did not seem to work. I have, on numerous occasions, been forced to count to a hundred backwards, with my fists firmly clenched behind my back. So far, it's been worth it.The other thing I was sure about was that, while fulfilling my duties and responsibilities as a parent, I didn't want to lose the chance of gaining a good friend. She is the excuse that I get home, and I want it to stay that way. She is the delight and I love it. She is the reason I leave parties at 9 pm, and I like it that way. She is the reason I take the 22 hrs flight to reach home at 2am so that I can see her before she goes to school. I like it that way.

Unfortunately, the duties of a friend sometimes clash severely with the responsibilities of being a parent. And, when they do, you will never know whether or not you made the right call.Believe in miraclesThis began with her birth. Every parent of a child born with the right number of digits and organs knows what this means. Since then, it's been a miracle every day. Every time my wife had a sonography, the only question was is the kid fine.

You cannot stop Time. There have been innumerable moments when my I fervently wished I could just freeze our daughter at a certain endearing age or moment, only to realise later that I would have been truly cursed if the Gods had indeed answered my prayers.While my heart swelled with pride at each milestone -- the first tentative steps, the first time she saw a dog, the first time she fell, the first attempts to jump two stairs without help, the first unaided visit to the toilet, deep down somewhere there was a sense of -- for want of a better word -- tremendous loss, of sadness, because I knew that she would no longer need my assistance for yet another action.That every minute you ignore her appeal for attention because you were busy with something else will come back to haunt you when you least expect it. And there's not much you can do about it.
I missed my daughter's fourth birthday. No matter how hard I try, there is nothing I can do, ever, to make up for that.

You get respect only if you give respect.

How many times have I condescendingly dismissed her dreams and fantasies as those of a child? Those moments haunt me.

There cannot be a better teacher than a child to teach you to dream.

Your child learns from what you do, not what you say.

Please switch off the cartoons is greeted with pleasure, because it means I have to play or read with her, not watch CNBC. My mother still does not watch any T V, so I can appreciate my daughter demanding it!

You can learn from your child.

When I was chiding her for being a poor learner, she said – can’t you see yourself as a bad coach? For a coach, it came as a slap!

You cannot dream for your child.

Her mother, her grandmother, her teacher, her peers can be pushy. If you cannot control THEM, teach her to have fun. It is important. My sister teaches my daughter to break rules. I thought it is the best thing she has been taught by any adult.
It is always better, though infinitely more difficult, to encourage them to dream. My daughter draws her dreams! What fun!

It is never too early to teach responsibility.

To reinforce the notion that every action has a reaction, ranging from pleasant to downright painful. That pain caused by her own mistakes should teach more than cause her pain. When she gets hurt, her first reaction is to cry and then tell me how quickly she stopped crying. Or explain to her why I call her at 8.15 to apologise for coming at 9 pm instead of 8.30 pm. That adults too must keep their promise. Or teach her the thinking process.

Hanuman, Sita, Ram, Ravana, Goldilocks, Mickey Mouse, Tom, Jerry, dragons, ghosts, goblins and monsters are as real to her as income taxes and death are to me. And when she feels weak, she can pray to Sun God for strength. No matter how hard you try, there will be times when you will be totally, absolutely wrong.And finally, immaterial of what Kalidasa, Shakespere, or any other great writer says, the love caused by procreation is far greater than any other form of love.
To quote, If I see a car about to hit a friend, I would like to believe I would try to push him out of the way. If my wife, sibling or parent were to be hit, I would jump to push them away. If my daughter were about to be hit, I would throw myself before the car. That is a promise. "

I was touched when i read it. It deserves a wider audience !